Age of Opportunity - 5

Chapter Five - "Parents, Meet Your Teenager"

Notes and Quotes:

Important to "communicate to our teenagers that we take them and their world seriously"

Idea of reading the Proverbs as a way to prepare you for the types of struggles you will encounter as a parent -

Youthful tendencies:
#1 No Hunger for Wisdom or Correction

• "Do I respond to my girls in ways that make wisdom appealing?"
• "Do I make correction sweet?" (no "barrage of verbal bullets")
  

"Don't try to produce with human control what only God can produce by His grace."

"Deal with yourself before you deal with your teenager." Matthew 7:3-5
Then, talk with her in the right place at the right time. Not squeezed into busy moments. Preferably in her room, where she's most comfortable. Not on the fly. Not in front of other people. Not on the run.

"Remember, giving wisdom is not hitting your teenager over the head with words. It is putting a lovely garland around her neck. It's giving her the world's most valuable jewels. It is gold form God's pocket to her hands."

When your teen is defensive:
CLARIFY your actions ("I am for you.")
Help them EXAMINE the defensiveness ("Could you explain why you're so angry?")
CONFESS your sins (model humility)

"Teenagers tend to be self-protective. They aren't usually walking around the house dying to talk with Mom and Dad. They are masters at non-answers."
Instead of accepting this as normal and accepting "the moat that teenagers tend to build around themselves," pursue your teenager.

Don't just relate to them during times of correction - ask open-ended questions and wait for answers - pray with them daily (even though it may be uncomfortable) - enter their world and stay there

"Don't ever let them view you as being outside their functional world."

"Teenagers will reject grenades of wisdom and correction lobbed from afar by someone who has not been on-site for quite awhile."

"Lift up truth and point out its beauty. . . hold what is valuable before your teenager and trust God to produce, in his or her heart, a love for truth."

#2 A Tendency toward Legalism
"We cannot and we must not reduce godly living to a set of rules. Godliness is humble, thankful worship that causes us to desire what God says is valuable and to do what God says will bring Him glory."

don't get bogged down in boundary discussions/debates when you need to be addressing issues of the heart (the spirit of the law; inner purity)

#3 A tendency to be unwise in their choice of companions

#4 A susceptibility to sexual temptation

"put the subject on the table early . . .leave it there as a topic for open discussion"

Do your kids feel comfortable raising the topic? Do you know what their source of information is?

#5 Lack of eternal perspective

"Teenagers are shockingly present-focused." (not long-term thinkers)

Challenge them to think about the seeds they are planting in their lives, and what those will produce.

"They need to understand that God is working on something bigger than this moment, that He is preparing them for something wonderful to come."

"The culture around us reinforces the falsehood that life is found in present, earthly, physical treasure, and that the successful person is the one with the biggest pile. Our teenagers are told, 'You are the labels that you wear. You are your body size. You are your intelligence. You are your athletic ability. You are the car you drive. You are the house you live in. You are the level of popularity that you have." They are even told they are the toothpaste they use.

Who are the heroes of Western culture? Are they people of character who live with a harvest mentality, investing in things of eternal significance? No, they are people with good voices, expensive clothes, hot cars, big muscles, and huge bank accounts. They are people who live for the moment, people who are laying up treasure on earth. They are typically people who have no more sense of eternity than the most immature teen. In God's eyes they are, in fact, antiheroes who lead our children to believe lies and to live for what is passing away.

Our teenagers need us to be on-site, teaching them to look at the long view of life, from the vantage point of eternity. Life looks radically different when viewed from that perspective! They need to see that every choice, every action, is an investment, and that it is impossible to live without planting seeds that will be the plants of the life they will someday harvest."

#6 Lack of heart awareness

Be used of God to produce a heart that is ruled by God's Truth alone

"True worship is expressed in the way we respond to situations and relationships"

Help your children know themselves, which can lead to a hunger for God; every moment can be self-revealing

"Critical interplay of the spiritual life is what we want to see produced in our teenagers; a deep, personal knowledge of God and an ever-growing knowledge of self."

allow Scripture to be a mirror - middle of page 92

". . .move toward your teen with a confident faith in the Redeemer, whose Word is true and whose sovereign presence empowers your weak and feeble parental efforts, and God will use you to communicate love, understanding, grace, hope, and life. You will ask calm but probing questions that cause your teenager to examine things that he would never examine alone. You will engage your teenager in thought-provoking debate without it ever becoming hurtfully personal and condemning. You will correct in a spirit of acceptance, forgiveness, and hope. You will smile when your child comes into the house, and she will not tense up when you enter her room. You will find her pursuing you to talk about things that many teens hide or ignore. And as your relationship deepens, you will watch her progressively taking on the character of Christ."